{"id":5793,"date":"2026-04-03T20:39:28","date_gmt":"2026-04-03T20:39:28","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/conservative-politics.com\/index.php\/2026\/04\/03\/celebrity-culture-just-handed-us-a-few-more-reasons-to-roll-our-eyes\/"},"modified":"2026-04-03T20:39:28","modified_gmt":"2026-04-03T20:39:28","slug":"celebrity-culture-just-handed-us-a-few-more-reasons-to-roll-our-eyes","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/conservative-politics.com\/index.php\/2026\/04\/03\/celebrity-culture-just-handed-us-a-few-more-reasons-to-roll-our-eyes\/","title":{"rendered":"Celebrity Culture Just Handed Us A Few More Reasons To Roll Our Eyes"},"content":{"rendered":"
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I don\u2019t usually bother with celebrity news because I like to think my audience is too smart and sophisticated for that. <\/span>But of course, that\u2019s ridiculous. I mean, look at you. <\/span>So today, we\u2019re going to catch up on the shenanigans of the famous, rich, and powerful, because it\u2019s degrading and wastes precious moments of our lives, and that\u2019s what The Andrew Klavan Show<\/a> is all about.<\/span><\/p>\n

So let\u2019s get started.<\/span><\/p>\n

According to the Daily Mail, Byron Noem, the husband of former DHS Secretary Kristi Noem, has been secretly posting pictures of himself online wearing women\u2019s hot pink underwear and enormous fake breasts. Kristi Noem said she was absolutely devastated to discover her husband was a Democrat, but she did feel that this might explain how she could sleep with Corey Lewandowski and consider it an upgrade. President Trump said he felt sorry for the Noem family, although he congratulated Byron on having such a nice rack.<\/span><\/p>\n

Champion philanderer Tiger Woods, while apparently under the influence of drugs and alcohol, rolled his car over, after clipping a truck. Woods told police his life was full of so much sex and success and money that only abusing substances could keep him from sinking into despair. He was charged with three counts of driving while being an ungrateful schmuck.<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

Shapely, semi-attractive Australian actress Milly Alcock has been cast to star in the $300 million DC studio film \u201cSupergirl.\u201d <\/span>Alcock told Vanity Fair that the role \u201cdefinitely made me aware that simply existing as a woman in that space is something that people comment on. We have become very comfortable having this weird ownership of women\u2019s bodies.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

The comment won Alcock the coveted Rachel Zegler award \u2014 a bronze statuette of a mouth without a brain attached, that is given to the shapely, semi-attractive actress most likely to tank a studio\u2019s investment while under the delusion that people want to hear her opinions. Medical experts say this delusion is often brought on by men telling women they are interested in their opinions and women thinking that means men are interested in their opinions.<\/span><\/p>\n

Robert De Niro, Bruce Springsteen and Jane Fonda were among the thousands of doddering old white people who shuffled out to the latest \u201cNo Kings\u201d rallies, which must\u2019ve been held to celebrate the fact that we have no kings, because otherwise they just don\u2019t make any sense. De Niro and Springsteen got together to reminisce about how they made millions of dollars by simply saying a meaningless phrase over and over again, like \u201cYou talking to me?\u201d or \u201cBorn in the USA.\u201d Springsteen said he could not believe that Boomers had been gullible enough to pay them for doing something so monotonous, but it gave him hope that Boomers might also be stupid enough to take the \u201cNo Kings\u201d rallies seriously.<\/span><\/p>\n

Black, gay, transgender actor Billy Porter was also at a \u201cNo Kings\u201d rally, where he complained that black, gay, transgender actors are having a hard time finding work because \u2014 Donald Trump. Personally, I find this story kind of confusing. I mean, if you\u2019re transgender and gay, isn\u2019t that the same as being straight? Like, Billy Porter is a man who thinks he\u2019s a woman, but he\u2019s gay, so he\u2019s a woman attracted to other women, so he\u2019s really just a man who\u2019s attracted to women. In which case, it seems possible the reason Billy Porter can\u2019t find work isn\u2019t because Donald Trump but because Billy Porter is an irritating no-talent.<\/span><\/p>\n

Finally, Lindsey Graham and the rest of the Senate got to go on vacation to rest up after grueling weeks of doing absolutely nothing. Graham was later photographed wandering around Disney World\u2019s Fantasyland with a Little Mermaid Bubble Wand. Lest anyone get the impression Graham is a sad old queen who wanders around Fantasyland with a bubble wand, the senator immediately issued a macho photograph of himself firing a shotgun. The Little Mermaid\u2019s slug-riddled body was subsequently found in a pool of her own bubbles.<\/span><\/p>\n

Fantasyland Police are still searching for Graham and, in fact, for the rest of the Senate, hoping to bring them back to Washington D.C. where they can pass intelligent, useful legislation. Because this is Fantasyland.<\/span><\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

This excerpt is taken from the opening satirical monologue of \u201cThe Andrew Klavan Show<\/a>.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Andrew Klavan is the host of \u201cThe Andrew Klavan Show\u201d at The Daily Wire.\u00a0Klavan is the bestselling author of numerous books, including the Cameron Winter Mystery series. The fifth installment,\u00a0After That, The Dark,<\/a><\/strong>\u00a0is NOW AVAILABLE. Follow him on X:\u00a0@andrewklavan<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\"DailyWire<\/p>\n

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